With every word whispered we get more far away.

It hurts and it lingers.

It won't stay for long, I know.

But the more I think about it, the more it pierces my already broken self.

And I can't help it.

I just can't.

So what's the point of even blogging about it?

I just want to get it out of my chest, again.

Or maybe I just want to get that person out of one part of my chest.

I want to forget.

Or not.

I just want things to happen, certain things.

Maybe it's too much.

Or maybe it's too subtle.

I don't know.

I just don't know.

Song of the day: Nothing Lasts Forever - Maroon Five.

To the other side of the world.

The more this happens, the more I'm getting convinced that I'm totally not a part of your world.

I'm not a part of your life.

I'm not a part of you.

I'm not important to you anyway.

I'm not important in any way even though you told me that you want me.

Or maybe, that was only a symptom of longing.

Now that you had your friends around again, I'm no longer part of your inner circle.

I'm no longer in that part of you where I wanted to be.

I'm no longer being used, being loved, being comforted.

I'm no longer someone you can't stand when gone.

I'm no longer catching your attention.

Then what are your brief smiles for, whenever you pass by?

What are they for when you won't even stay with me and comfort me and hug me and talk to me and make me feel better?

What are they for when I can't have you when I need you the most?

You're the only thing right now that makes me feel that better, but you're also the only one right at this very moment that makes me feel sad and suicidal.

Please come back.

Please don't be the last thing on earth that would make my life miserable.

I can't stand your absence.

Just come back, okay?

I need your company.

I need your smile.

I need your hugs.

I need your kisses.

I need your words.

I need your eyes where I can look myself into.

I need you, okay?

Because this makes me feel like I'm left alone to the other side of the world, without you.

Tell me I'm selfish, but it's you I want.

If only you could understand, then maybe I'll be alright.

Then maybe everything will be alright.

*I'll leave this up to you if you'll believe that this is real.

Thanks so much for reading, anyway.

What happens when everything in your blog site is about you?

Somebody finally follows my blogs. Wow.

Hello, Bob Zenon (whoever you are). By the way, who are you?

Okay. So at least I got one follower.

At least somebody formally pseudo-reads my blog.

And I'm hungry.

Oh, wishful thinking.

[End of post.]

Overly random.

I was hungry a few moments ago.

Then I read http://chuvaness.com and I can't find my hunger anymore.

Now that I was finished reading there, I just can't contain the need for food.

And I want to eat a lot, okay?

Last night I was craving for huge burgers and chocolate cakes.

I'm still craving for them now.

And I wonder why I keep pressing the Enter key after every sentence.

It reminds me of Brielle Shane Flores' text format.

Okay. So I suddenly wanted to buy clothes.

But why in the world should nice clothes for men be more than three-hundred pesos?

I still want the orange Soda Man shirt I kept staring at SM City North Edsa.

And oh boy, the girl beside me's eating.

Oh well.

It's just banana-cue.

And it made me wonder if there's banana-cue in the United States.

I formally declare that I am hungry.

I feel the hunger.

It lingers on my tummy, like a huge snake feeding on my insides.

What.

Now I suddenly want to earn.

First thing, I do not have a bank account.

Yeah, loser.

So with that I can't even write an essay for that research company I had passed an exam into.

And I know I can't be in there again because it had been more than six weeks.

What about six years of ignoring opportunities just because I'm lazy?

Okay.

So I might do a grand reformation of the self quite soon.

Stay tuned for that. :D

I wish.

i wish we could stay like this forever, in this illusion, in this make-believe world of you and me, because we were there, finishing the words on the last page of our story.

Rip my heart out.

Hello. I felt like I haven't blogged for ages. For the whole week, I was pseudo-enjoying wireless internet connection in malls through my phone. And due to large-byte browsing, I was unable to update my Plurk timeline. In consequence, my Plurk karma dropped from 78 something to a whopping 70.64.

Now I better start with June.

01June.

I was decaying inside my aunt's house. It was a sleep-sit-eat all day phenomenon. I suppose it was raining that day (just because it had been raining for a lot of days) and I had no choice but to stay at home (and I don't have fare money anyway) and die all along. Oh, yeah. I was oh so excited for 02June too.

02June.

D-Day. Mom and I hiked to UP Diliman to check out the dorm (and for me to check in later that day). The Office of Student Housing took too long to post the dormitory results and the respective dorm assignments for us. After hours of waiting, I found myself in Molave Residence Hall room B120. This time, my room's beside the shower [side of the comfort] room. Okay. So my room's large enough for four people. And it's not amazing at all. If there's one good word to describe it, that'd be roomy. But then, it's not that well-maintained. Full stop.

Surprisingly, my roommate (Leo Rosas) is a schoolmate of mine. So it was nice for us, since we have something in common! As you can see, I'm hopeful. Haha.

Okay. Okay. I won't tell what happened just because it's long enough. :D

03June.

First day of the traumatic enrolment. To cut the story short, all I did was to get my registration materials (Forms 5A and 5). I attempted to venture in the line for Econ 100.1/.2 but by 3 in the afternoon Janine and I gave up. (Apparently, we had our Teacher's Prerog Form being signed but it was to be taken by 3 in the afternoon. I was lining up for dorm payment then and it was raining og so hard so I dumped the idea - and maybe the idea of shifting too. Hooray, Political Science majors.) Since I'm not done with the registration yet, I stayed in the dorm almost penniless and clotheless. Thank God that I had a mother who went to the rescue.

04June.

I finished my enrolment process (without changing my POLSC 14 class and lining up for PE) with my clothes wet. Yeah. I was under my umbrella when I got wet. (And there's no typhoon. Just that damn buhawi that I haven't noticed.) So by the afternoon I went back to my aunt's house in Pasig to decay again and to spent my days (and birthday) without spending any money. Then everything changed.

05June.

My [happy] (and Thea's and MJ's and Ravi's) 17th birthday. I pseudo-celebrated it in the afternoon at Shakey's. It was definitely not the best birthday ever. Besides, I never had a good birthday. But most likely, it was the worst. At early morning, I had a big problem with a friend. Then I was flooded with birthday greetings by a lot of friends and acquaintances. Then I had another problem with another friend. Then mom and I had a quarrel (inside the mall and we were outting up quite a dramatic show there). Until night, things seemed to go worse. I hated it.

06June.

Saint Marcellin Champagnat's feast day. Now. I don't want to type anymore. XD

P.S.

I wish we could be fine, just like before - not the way you want it right now. 

When there's barely nothing to tell.

Or when I just don't want to tell something, blogging can be hard.

Lesson learned in Social Science One: 

Blogging is not a technology. It is a behavior [or an act].

Okay. Okay.

I just opened another blog site and this time, it specializes in photographs.

Yeah, yeah. Photographs.

I don't know why; it happened oh so fast.

My digital camera was not yet repaired, so I have no choice but to take photos using my N79.

I so know all along how ugly and unsatisfactory Nokia's cameras are, hoewever Carl Zeiss Vario Tessar Optics there is.

With my cell phone I'm having difficulties with the [uncontrollable] flash, [undesirable] lighting, and [odd] skin color. Since I don't know any thing about focusing yet, I don't think I had a problem with its auto focus feat.

If you wanted to view my photo blog site, just click here.

It took me too long to think of the url, though.

Week report? Nah. I'm not in for it right now. :D

Blown away by a heavy storm.

Okay. First of all, (hold your breath, guys) I failed to shift into BS Business Administration.

It was like as if I should have known about it before the start of second semester so that I could have taken Political Science 14 beforehand. It felt like a hard hit on my head.

I am not sure if I could post a week update here this time. I just am not into that mood. Apparently, I have been idle in blogging these days. I was only uninspired to type things and apparently, I just can't get the time of it. And I don't actually feel like I wanna do it so I skipped blogging first.

And failing to shift is just as depressing. What.

I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm floating, in the bad sense. I don't know. Everything's so odd and not right. Yeah, so perhaps I should start living with it.

I feel like I'm blown away. I don't know. It's all so sudden. It's all so unexpected. It's all so bad. And I hate it.

And I know I'm not getting anywhere so perhaps I should end here.

It's a sad world.

It's just so saddening.

I don't know why I'm trying to post such a self-depressing blog entry, though.

Lately, I've been into something. Yeah, something. I don't know. I feel odd. So odd.

I've been upset since I ate with mom at Jollibee. Of course, I won't be upset with eating a 2-piece Chickenjoy Meal. Instead, I got pissed off when I shared that my friend is enjoying summer on a beach somewhere. Then money talk went next. As you can see, dad's money is not enough - for all my wants/needs. Yeah, big sis could have a job as an accounting something in the mall but it's not even enough for her. (Remember that minimum wage is insufficient for daily family living.) And metropolis life is not that easy, financially speaking. And as everyone knew, I am NOT good in handling money. (And why have I always been wanting of being in the business scene?) I thought I'd be saving a lot of money the time I got my cute teddy bear coin bank (which was worth 300 or so pesos). It helped a bit, for I was able to control money spending for a day. Yet my allowance is allegedly not enough for me (yeah, a thousand a week is NOT enough for me) since it would turn out that I'd be opening as always the butt of that orange bear to get a few hundred-peso bills.

I so hate being this.

I wish I could earn somehow. (Advices, anyone?)

Second topic: friends.

Yeah, I know I got a problem with friends (or maybe it's just me). I don't know why but it always seems that they just don't want to keep in touch with me or so. (Okay. Bitter.) But heck, I don't know.

Okay. I'll just cut this out. I'm suddenly out of thoughts.

In return I'll give you a week recap.

Sunday, 26Apr

I spent the day at Pasig with my mom and aunt's family. Mom and I attended the Holy Mass at Sta. Lucia East Grand Mall and we shopped for my food (just loaf bread and some packed noodles) then I finally went back at the dormitory. Too bad I went back late. Obviously I wasn't able to attend the University Commencement Exercises. But then, fine. There's still next year and the years after it. By night, Angelie and I rehearsed for our practical exam for Philippine Folk Dance the next day. Nevertheless, it's just the usual Sunday routine.

Monday, 27Apr

We did not well in our practical exam. I should have known that. Then the usual summer class routine. Nothing much important.

Tuesday, 28Apr

I was unable to attend my 7 AM PE class. It was just because I slept again after I turned off the alarm. The consequence: I got no ticket for the dance forum which we were required to attend to the next day. And as a feel-good thing for that, Yanny and I finally had an achievement: to jog around the Academic Oval, after two weeks of hardcore procrastination. But then again it wasn't a jog after all. We spent most of the 6-7 PM hour sitting and lying in the slopes of the Sunken Garden. So in the end it's nothing for fitness again. By the way, I finally passed my STFAP thing. I wish it could be processed already before the regular registration for next semester starts. I made tambay at Jervis' room and watched he and Kiboy have fun (or I was having fun observing them). Ang kulit.

Wednesday, 29Apr

No PE class for today. So that's some sort of extended humiliation for sleeping again after stopping the alarm. However, we had our first exam in Social Science 1. (Isn't it the midterms season?) It was kind of fine, kind of hard, must admit. By this time I don't even care about my grade at all. At least I'm sucking all the fun out of Ma'am Chei Billedo's class. Haha. In the evening, Jervis, Dan and I went at Trinoma. Jervis planned it to be with me, Ara, and Ryan (Sigaw staff doomed for summer classes) but it turned out that it's gonna be us two only. Good thing we found Dan also on his way to the mall to buy Kiko Machine 5. Jervis' goal was to have Blizzard at Dairy Queen (which was my cravings too, for the moment) and my goal was to buy a ballpen and black modelling clay (for our presentation at Soc Sci 1 tomorrow). It was full blown fun. Fun, fun. By night again I was at Jervis' room to study for my World Literatures exam the next day, and watched them again making fun. Haha. Jervis let me borrow his book The Tipping Point, by Malcolm Gladwell. Thanks Jervis!

Thursday, 30Apr

Larissa's birthday. I was not able to greet her in person, though. And Elmer kept making pilit that I give her a rose in the name of Elmer. (And why am I speaking conyo all this time?) Everybody know how a sloth I am, so in the end I wasn't able to fulfill his wish. By afternoon was our first examination in English 12 (World Literatures) and it was indeed as good as Inferno. Fudge. It was a hell of an essay. But then again, I didn't care afterwards. All I did was to relax and let the Inferno, Odyssey, and Shakuntala leave my mind. By night I started reading Malcolm Gladwell's book but was unable to get through the introduction because I was having fun out of the boring evening with Remmond, Zola, Geri, Daren, and Sherwin at the TV Area as they were watching Slumdog Millionaire. Elmer called me (because he was subscribed to the UnliCalls Nyt Promo) and again, my milk spilled all over me. Hilarious. Fun. Fun.

Friday, 01Apr

Theresa's birthday. I managed to greet her by midnight through text. There. It was such a lazy day on which I spent on reading The Tipping Pint. By night, Yanny and I attended Mass (for no reason, actually). Then online marathon. I've got a lot of other things to do but procrastination came over again. So there.

I'mma end here. :D

I wish this would happen to me.

Pieces of me slowly tremble,

As I walk along the noisy hall

Filled with rows of persons

Running fast, opposite my way.

I can feel myself separating,

One by one,

As her sweet lips I recall

And as she laid it on me.

My fingers fell, then my ears,

Followed by my chest and my eyes,

And my knees throwed themselves

And I fell to the ground, I finally fell in love.

Life's a bore.

And for some reason, my life is just so odd since Wednesday. (And I hope that person is not reading this. No, that person won't. I hope.)

I know it's wrong, and I just can't get over it. Okay. It was just that I subscribed to the Unlitxt promo and I have no one else to text but that person. That wouldn't be wrong. It's just so damn odd that I could easily say what I feel and what I want and everything's just so real. I mean, that barrier's missing. Nothing is holding me back. What's worse, whenever I get idle, I want that person to send me a message. What the.

Okay. This just feels so wrong. Just so wrong.

Earlier I have posted about Sean's message and what's going to happen that next day, which was last Friday.

I just don't want to teach kids anymore. She was a five-year-old (and he told me she was six!) but it didn't make things better. I hated kids ever since I stepped into Pasig and met my indirect cousins. And that Friday night, they all expected me to change the world. I'm not perfect. I can't teach a five-year-old Korean girl named Da Min to learn how to read and write in English, especially that she always admits she doesn't want to learn.

"I don't want to write my name. It's tiring!" she said. I could have had punched her, but I just said, "Why? You're going to write your name forever!"

Okay. Maybe not forever at all. But hell. What would she do then? She now lives in a county where everyone is expected to be efficient in articulating a foreign language (which is English) and all that English stuff. We were supposed to be best in English. Well, that sounds just like a five-star kindergarten award.

It's just so saddening that I met that girl. She doesn't want to learn. When in the world had there been a moment that I don't want to learn? (Well, maybe a bit of hardcore math and science I wanted to forget at all, but it's not that.) It's so sad that kids nowadays (but even before) just don't want to study at all. Fine. Then don't. Just look at where we'll pick you up. Yeah, sure. Maybe she could turn up into (what was the name of Apple's owner again?) Apple's owner's story, but that would be less likely. Not everyone is destined to be Bill Gates, Henry Sy, or Fernando Zobel de Ayala. But you could always try you chance on being another Angel Locsin or Marian Rivera or, say, Pokwang on television.

What I'm saying is, why can't she just live her life and look forward and dream. She's currently chasing herself in circles, like a snake chasing it's tail which gave birth to the supposed discovery of the benzene ring.

Maybe it's just the heat of the summer sun, but I am totally loveless. Yeah, I know it's somewhat normal when it's me but I don't like the thought of staying single (and a virgin. Haha! I told Elmer about that yesterday and it was blown away.) and without someone to be with.

What I'm saying is that I want a girl friend and a best friend, as soon as I can. Well, I just want to live my life the way I want it to be. And I want it with a girl and a companion. Okay?

Fudge. This is so getting into me.

The moment that you slip into my brain.

Whoa. Sean (the Korean who interviewed us for Home Tutors) texted me yesterday whether I wanted to teach near Kalayaan Avenue (Queson City, as he typed it). Of course I replied a yes but I got no reply.

He then texted me again this noon for real. I'm going to teach a 6-year-old Korean girl tomorrow (if that is it) at UP Teachers' Village by night. Wow. I am so so excited. Yeah.

And I feel so carefree nowadays. (And I know it's bad.)

I wasn't reading seriously my required readings. We were required to read Homer's The Odyssey and Kalidasa's Shakuntala. By this weekend I'm aiming to read Dante Alighieri's Inferno from cover to cover.

I kept watching Love Hina these days. (That's why I was procrastinating.)

I was also somewhat addicted to the game Mystery Case Files: Madam Fate.

Then I kept on surfing the net. (Of course, I only have to lie down on my bed to be connected to the internet. Nice spot, eh?)

Then starting tomorrow I'm expected to be as responsible as a tutor. Whoa. I wish I could handle this easily.

Not Another Daydream.

"Don't you always want to go back in time?"

"Who are you?"

"I am you."

Okay. So I do not know who I am. Yet someone who look exactly like me comes up in front of me to show me who I really am. How great. By the way, this is supposed to be an essay for my Social Science 1 class. But since I haven't finished and passed it yet, I chose to end it as this. :D

I just felt like it is February.

I have a new [for-all-accounts] photograph. Actually, I cropped it. I used my new N79 to capture it, and to say, it's quite good in some instances. As you can see, camera in cellular phones aren't as good as real cameras per se (maybe you could put Samsung's 8 megapixel camera phone aside here) so it's kind of good timing and good chance having a good photograph.

It's the first week of our summer class. I'm taking up Philippine Folk Dance, Social Science 1 (Foundations of Behavioral Sciences), and English 12 (World Literatures) this summer, for a body-wrecking Monday to Friday (but at least it's not until Saturday, unlike my friend Yvyz in Ateneo De Davao University has). It's kind of a change since I'm starting off my day as early as 5 in the morning, to prepare for my 7 AM PE class in the Gymnasium. I have a barely 40-minute break to unsoak myself in sweat and go to the airconditioned room in Palma Hall Annex for my enjoyable Social Science 1 class under Ms. Chei Billedo. But then, since it's the Dyosa in OSA (Office of Student Affairs, College of Social Sciences and Philosophy), it's all worth the dangerous drying up of sweat. By eleven in the morning, I go back to the dorm for my four-hour lunch break. By 3 PM I go to Palma Hall for my World Literatures class. It's quite fine, but it's just that I'm a bit lazy to read those thick pages of required readings (and I've got a big bulk of readings too for my Social Science 1) so I'm a bit non-participative in class.

But still, it's fine with me. I chose to have this, so I don't have to actually complain about it at all.

So here's a week recap:

12, Sunday.

It was Easter Sunday. The next day, you'll know it's Easter Monday. Haha.

Mom and I sure attended the mass, ate lunch at Pizza Hut, and we bought groceries just before I go check in the dormitory the next day.

13, Monday.

I wasn't getting ready yet for paying my registration fees and checking in the dormitory, but all of a sudden I was in a rush. Before being able to check in to the dormitory, one must pay first his or her enrolment obligations, and that meant an almost 360-degree long queue of people surrounding the whole UP shopping center. Good thing was that my very good friend, Gleffany, who let me in her side of the queue (which was very near to the finish line of cashiers, thank her) since she would have to go for her pack of things and so I'll be the one who'll pay for her. There, I got out of the long queue of people very very easily. By noon, mom and I were in a dilemma where to eat lunch. In the afternoon, I joined a similar queue of people inside the dormitory to check in to the dormitory. It was a slow process, having your form 5 checked and have a dormitory payment bill, pay the amount, and go back to the queue and choose your room. I chose B103, four rooms away from my old room, B107. First and foremost, my room was already occupied, I don't like to be directly in front of the comfort/shower room anymore, and B103 is nearer to the internet router, which clearly means that I just have to lie on my bed to surf the internet. And then, I got a new roommate. :D

14, Tuesday.

It was the first day of summer classes. I woke up by 5 in the morning, figuring out that it wasn't even my clock (by which I thought I have turned it's alarm on the night before) that was making the sound. 7 AM was my Philippine Folk Dance class, though Ma'am Perena appeared late. By 9 I was at PHAN for my Social Science 1 class, with the hilarious Ms. Chei Billedo. It's just great. By 3 PM I was at Palma Hall for my English 12 under Sir Queano.

Should I even do a week recap? I just got bored. :D :D

going round and round.

It's Holy Thursday and I've only got a few more days to be back and experience summer like never before: my first summer classes in college.

Why of course, I had summer classes back in High School, just the gap between third year and fourth year, Trigonometry and Statistics, to supplement our Junior Thesis in High School, and Physics, as what they keep saying.

This Tuesday I will be waking up way too early than what has been, to attend my 7 AM PE class: Philippine Folk Dance. Whoa. Imagine how near or far that's gonna be: from Kalayaan Residence Hall to a far away CHK Gym. By 9 AM I'll be off to Palma Hall Annex to enjoy a funny Soc Sci 1 class under Ms. Billedo. At least. Then I'll idle around within my long lunch break from eleven to three. Imagine that. By 3 PM I'll be at Palma Hall for Eng 12, that World Literatures subject I had insisted to enlist for.

I don't know yet but I certainly feel that I would have difficulties this summer. It's a Monday to Friday, with a very early class and a very long lunch break. What am I gonna do with my life?

Fudge. It sounds horrible, and at the same time exciting.

And I've got three more days. I'm doing nothing for Holy Week - not even abstinence. This time I'm going to mimic what the non-Christians do during Holy Week. Yes. Whatever that is. And too bad no malls for me until tomorrow. I can't wait for Saturday to go strolling.

And of course, I've got a checklist of what I want for summer:

1. new slippers. (I don't opt for Havaianas just because they're too costly for something you'll step on.)

2. new shoes. (Running shoes, actually. I can't wait to jog at the Academic Oval again.)

3. new backpack. (The red Illustrazio backpack I borrowed from my sister is destroying my shirts. I need a new one.)

4. cellphone casing. (I can't take it if my N79 follows the same fate with my overly scratched LG KU250.)

5. my digital camera repaired. (It was months ago since it got broken. Of course I miss it.)

Okay. So it's Good Friday tomorrow. Better be good. :D

Twist it and don't turn it back.

I don't feel like living - or let's say something close to that - today. I just feel so lazy and all that.

I woke up by 2 in the afternoon and ate a not-so-satisfying brunch by 3 in the afternoon. By 4 in the afternoon I attended the Palm Sunday Mass, and I almost blacked out.

Maybe it was my body clock's fault. I used to sleep by ten or eleven in the night. In college I normally sleep by midnight. For the last few weeks, I slept by one or two or three or even four in the morning. How bad was that, eh?

Or maybe I was in a bad diet, skipping breakfast and all that.

Or maybe I was just too sinful for the past few weeks. Haha.

Well, no.

Do you deserve my love?

This holy week, it is now time to be emo. Hahaha!

No. No way.

Okay. Okay. Here's the news.

Last Wednesday was no April Fool's Day for me. I was scolded by my father for reportedly consuming up my 3000 peso allowance that was given just last last week. Yes, I admit I've been spending too much (on Dairy Queen Blizzards) and I swear I will really put more money in my teddy bear coin bank everyday! Promise!

Last Thursday, we - the First Floor Boys of Kalayaan Residence Hall (actually just a few of us) - went to Antipolo to have an overnight stay/swimming. Of course, I wouldn't be there if I have told my parents about it. XD It was a very nice place, perhaps somewhere in upland Sumulong or so. You can actually see the whole Metro Manila by night, with the beautiful skyline. It's daylight view wasn't that adorable though. Nevertheless, I had a good swim, or should I say wetting? Haha. [I just don't know how to swim. And that's bad for lurking in the pool for long.]

Yesterday, Saturday, my roommate finally left. The night before Jervis and I were actually ranting about or somewhat dysfunctional roommates (of course, the friendship and all are not in them, for some sad reason) and now I'll just sleep alone (though he goes back to the room at around 3 in the morning for his sleep) and I don't think if I'd be happy with that.

Today, [it is still two in the morning here.] I'll be having very light meals (hello there, noodles) so that I can show my Mom some money when she arrives this Monday.

This Monday, my mother will arrive here so that I could have a companion in Pasig this Holy Week for me. That's great news for me. She's gonna bring my ever-wanted N79 that they had bought in Davao City (and refused to mail here). Of course, she's gonna be my financer for the summer (a big yey for me!) and, yes, I will finally have someone to wash my clothes while I'm staying in that Pasig village. :D

Hold your - no, my - breath.

I just paused from reading an e-book of Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet in Heaven. For some odd reason, I just feel so sleepy after reading the softbound version of his For One More Day, and then I get an eyestrain with this e-book. I don't know. It's just hard to keep myself busy when there's nothing to be busy at all. Or it's just that it's hard to do something when another something - something else, yes - bothers me.

It's almost a year. It's almost a year since I left the city of General Santos to prepare for my college life here in Quezon City. Before that nostalgic airplane ride to Ninoy Aquino International Airport Centennial Terminal 2 in Pasay City, I wasn't thinking greatly of studying in the University of the Philippines Diliman. I was actually thinking that hooray, I'm finally free and I'm in Metro Manila!

And summer has never been the same as before. My mom and I stayed at her cousin's house in Pasig City. I kind of hated that experience, sleeping on that foam placed on the floor, listening to the loud cries of children, seeing kids being scolded by their moms, occasional arguments with my mother, semi-real financial crisis, and being far away from the rest of my little family, missing my father and older sister.

I can't seem to keep myself moving whenever I feel that everything is just not right and everything just feels not comfortable. As a truly ambitious kid, of course I had high hopes. But it turns out that the longer the stay you are in your time of hoping, the more the hopes had been shattered by disappointing truths. Yes, it's not just another companion thing.

Some people are always right. You better expect what not to expect. There are always things you want to happen but one twist of fate or two, or perhaps another mistake of yours, life becomes a bit more disappointing. Yes. It is disappointing.

I cannot find a way to describe it.

I just don't understand how I feel. I don't know why.

It's just so.

I can't explain myself. Or why should I? I don't really know.

The Earth Hour just passed by and I'm not still satisfied with myself or with what's going on with myself.

I don't know. Maybe all I need is time, or other. I don't know. I'm going nowhere.

Happy dreams are made of chocolate.

I have a very happy - and of course it's kind of weird, but hell i love it - and, as I said, I love it.

I know it's kind of silly blogging about this.

Okay. Here it goes.

In my dream it was weird. My roommate and I were in perfect harmony. Yes, that was what has been in my dream. It was so nice dreaming about it, having something I long wanted to happen. We were having conversations, going to places, Only it was saddening to have it been limited to a very nice morning dream. I know it's silly, but I just can't believe it happening in my dream. I mean, it's too good to be there. It's too good to dream of it. No.

And yes, reality confirmed that it would not happen. I woke up, and there goes another day of silence. I don't know what brings it on but it's just that we barely talk with each other. I personally do not have anything against him, and I suppose that the same way is with him. (I could even remember that I gave him some donuts sometime last week and it was just okay.) But I just feel sad that we go the other way. What a bad dream reality  is.

In the real world, dreams only come true when fate wants it to come true. And I just have to stand the pain.

This afternoon, I was supposed to come with a friend for her interview in a tutorial agency. We went to Gateway Mall and met the Korean guy in his pink polo shirt at Starbucks Coffee Araneta Coliseum. Wow. I was struck. It was my first time actually talking to a Korean - well, to a foreigner. So instead of just my friend, I too was interviewed for the tutorial job. He kept noting that I was 'interesting' and talks in a 'fashionable' manner - whatever that fashionable manner means. I can't wait to have a student to teach. It must be interesting, being in the job. But then, all I have to do is to wait for the big call. ^^