Let's go home.

It's Thursday noon.
I have to go to Pasig tomorrow. (Oh no!)
By Saturday I'll be HOME.
But then I might be idle, for sometime.
And I just do hope that my plans and wishes may come true. I do.

Mutual II

He stares at his face - as they both lay beside each other, filling the bed that was neither big for one nor small for two. It's dawn. He woke up because he felt the numbing of his arm, to where the other man lays his head. Josh must be glad, then. The feeling is mutual.

It already happened before; it can't happen once more. Eric, still asleep, draws away his hand from Josh's. Josh had lost his sleep, his silent slumber. This feeling intoxicates him more, more than what it was before. And in the silence he remembers.

"Why'd you move your hand away?" Eric asked Josh as he grabbed back his hand. Josh just smiled and kissed Eric.

"Will you love me?" Eric asked Josh. Silence fell. Josh wanted to say 'yes' but something holds him back. "Because I do," Eric continued, "We'll take long walks together, holding each other's hands, and in the lamplight we'll stare at each other's eyes, letting our heartbeats make the music."

Josh fixed his glance at Eric. Eric's eyes were too difficult to decipher. All Josh knew was that he savored that very moment, where every motion felt to be so right, that nothing can take them away from each other, that no society can misjudge their relationship and them as individuals.

He plays Eric's hair, exploring his head wishing to uncover the mysteries that lie with its thoughts. Josh's fingers travel across his face, his left ear, his nose, his lips. Josh nears his own head, slowly and carefully. Then he locks his lips to Eric's.

It was like Sleeping Beauty, though it only was the opposite of it. Eric wakes up, eagerly avoids Josh's lips. The kisser is astonished, confused.

"Get off!" Eric commands while grabbing his own clothes from the floor.

"You told me you love me and now you don't!" Josh excalims, "What now, Eric? What's wrong??"

"This," Eric says as he gets up, "is wrong! What will they think of you?"

"That, the society?" Josh says, "Ha! Nonsense! You freed me from the entrapment!"

"I don't love you anymore!" Eric says, "How many times will you need to absorb that?"

BANG. Josh buries his face, in his blooded hands, sobbing.

In two weeks.

I'll be home in two weeks' time. Yey for that!

Oh I just can't wait any longer to go home.

But first, I'd tell you about what happened in the last two weeks.

27 September, Sunday - It was Joshua John Bautista's birthday, and I forgot to greet him. Typhoon Ondoy (international name Ketsana) wrecked Metropolitan Manila and some parts in Luzon since the day before. Floods everywhere were knee-high, chest-high, two-storeys high. It was a very devastated scenario, with billions of pesos worth in damages. This day I went to the mall (it was sunny, and it was as if the roads weren't flooded) and just went there. I can't remember if I bought something specific (apparently, I'm writing this entire post today). I was pissed off. Well, someone pissed me off. And I was dumped. Totally. But the piss-off part went away, though. It seems that when you finally let it out of your chest, you can finally let it go away.

28 September, Monday - It was my sister's birthday, and she's now 24 years old. Wow. Classes were suspended for what - a week! Heaven heaven, eh? It was also Collen Faye Puspus' birthday. She's now 17.

29 September, Tuesday - I could not remember. Oh, I just did. It was Ranel Irvin Toledo's 18th birthday. He treated us (his barkada with me along) at Yellowcab Pizzeria at U.P.-AyalaLand TechnoHub. Then we had more fun time at Timezone. It was totally fun, superb. Really.

30 September, Wednesday - It was Archie Jerome Maramag and Conrad Miguel Gozalo's birthday. There. As if they treated me. Not. Haha.

01October, Thursday - The wood supporting my bed got broken. This day we went to the Church of the Risen Lord to volunteer for the victims of typhoon Ondoy. It was spearheaded by the University Student Council and Sagip Isko. I was with Ranel Irvin Toledo, Colleen Faye Puspus, and Eladio Anino V. When we got there, we were instructed to go to the Barangay Hall of Barangay U.P. Campus, then we were blown away to Barangay Bagong Silangan, Quezon City to survey the affected communities. There we walked for miles - okay, maybe some kilometers only. We have seen the affected communities and have heard their stories. The scenario was heartbreaking, and highly alarming. We walked on burak (mud mixed with trash) and went to the boundary of Quezon City and San Mateo, Rizal. It was too far to say. When we reached back at the dorm, we were already dead-tired and craving for Jollibee. Then we remembered that it was Mary Rose Johana Samas' 18th birthday when she went down and gave us some Brazo de Mercedes cake. Yum yum! Since I seem to be unable to sleep in my own bed, I have to ask my friend to let me sleep in his room.

02 October, Friday - I can't remember what I did today. It was Mark Robert Baldo's birthday. There.

03 October, Saturday - It was Brielle Shane Flores and Cyrielle Claire Machan's birthday. Typhoon Pepeng changed its course and spared the places that were struck by typhoon Ondoy. Regarding my day, I can't remember what I did too.

04 October, Sunday - I went to SM City North Edsa and was totally bored that I brought myself a new shirt that was way too small for me. What. And, was this the day that Pinoy Big Brother Double Up started? Ugh. People are so whatever, enjoying watching humans-turned-hamsters whatever. Ugh. So annoying.

05 October, Monday - It was my last meeting in CWTS1-Anthro. There.

06-09 October - Can I not talk about this stuff? They're all the same (or I'm getting tired of doing this stuff.)

10 October - I slept all day. I went to SM City North Edsa supposedly to buy food stuff, and I had a very hard time hailing a taximeter cabriolet by night. Right now people are watching that PBB thing and I'm so annoyed at them making fun of those in the house who are making fun of themselves. What. Oh. Haven't I told you yet about the people in the house? Ugh. Very stereotypical. Before they enter, they were already given their 'brand' names. For example, one is branded as the hunk of this place, the funny girl of that, and whatsoever. They were given a very specific part of their identity. People, we are complex beings, okay? We won't be hunks nor good-hearted forever. What were you guys thinking? Trying to sell people?

In the next two weeks (apparently before I go home), it'd be a big whoa of winds. Next week will be my hell week. The other will be my free week (which may entail hell too since I might not be maintaining my money that time).

As you can see, this week's schedule is up there. I can't find a way on how to make that thing go here. Oh well.

I'd be flying back home by 24 October, 7.00 in the morning. I'd be riding on a Philippine Airlines Airbus. Oh I can't wait to go home. Sure enough, a lot of things had changed and/or added in the city. Robinsons' Place General Santos opened last 02 October and I just can't wait to see it. Oh well. I'll be home, for sure. I love it. :D

If we're all for love, how come there are foridden ones?

I don't know why we love. I don't know why there are forbidden ones. I hate this society. I hate this society for being so oppressive and -.

Elaborate it later. Promise.

God, bless me - with all the love I need right now.

I don't know.

There's nothing to expect. There's nothing to hope for. We both know that and we know it's totally unnecessary. It could have been too late or so. But the moment that the truth was told, and if we chose to direct the path towards that, nothing can happen. We already both know that, before everything went along.

I know it's not wrong, yet you totally believe it's not right. Or maybe you're just trying to protect me or so. It hurts, either way, and the pain lingers. But I can't hold onto it for so long. I'll let you go, along as I let go of this feeling. It wouldn't be easy.

I love you. Don't worry, it won't last long. It might entail a lot of pain, but trust me, I can let it all fade away.

I want to thank you. I want to thank you so much for all that we've been through, for everything. I know it's lame but thank you very much. This has been a long night, and indeed I felt better.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for being this. I can get through this, wait for me.

And I hope we're happy with what's going to happen.

God, please give me someone else to love. I need it right now. :D