With every word whispered we get more far away.

It hurts and it lingers.

It won't stay for long, I know.

But the more I think about it, the more it pierces my already broken self.

And I can't help it.

I just can't.

So what's the point of even blogging about it?

I just want to get it out of my chest, again.

Or maybe I just want to get that person out of one part of my chest.

I want to forget.

Or not.

I just want things to happen, certain things.

Maybe it's too much.

Or maybe it's too subtle.

I don't know.

I just don't know.

Song of the day: Nothing Lasts Forever - Maroon Five.

To the other side of the world.

The more this happens, the more I'm getting convinced that I'm totally not a part of your world.

I'm not a part of your life.

I'm not a part of you.

I'm not important to you anyway.

I'm not important in any way even though you told me that you want me.

Or maybe, that was only a symptom of longing.

Now that you had your friends around again, I'm no longer part of your inner circle.

I'm no longer in that part of you where I wanted to be.

I'm no longer being used, being loved, being comforted.

I'm no longer someone you can't stand when gone.

I'm no longer catching your attention.

Then what are your brief smiles for, whenever you pass by?

What are they for when you won't even stay with me and comfort me and hug me and talk to me and make me feel better?

What are they for when I can't have you when I need you the most?

You're the only thing right now that makes me feel that better, but you're also the only one right at this very moment that makes me feel sad and suicidal.

Please come back.

Please don't be the last thing on earth that would make my life miserable.

I can't stand your absence.

Just come back, okay?

I need your company.

I need your smile.

I need your hugs.

I need your kisses.

I need your words.

I need your eyes where I can look myself into.

I need you, okay?

Because this makes me feel like I'm left alone to the other side of the world, without you.

Tell me I'm selfish, but it's you I want.

If only you could understand, then maybe I'll be alright.

Then maybe everything will be alright.

*I'll leave this up to you if you'll believe that this is real.

Thanks so much for reading, anyway.

What happens when everything in your blog site is about you?

Somebody finally follows my blogs. Wow.

Hello, Bob Zenon (whoever you are). By the way, who are you?

Okay. So at least I got one follower.

At least somebody formally pseudo-reads my blog.

And I'm hungry.

Oh, wishful thinking.

[End of post.]

Overly random.

I was hungry a few moments ago.

Then I read http://chuvaness.com and I can't find my hunger anymore.

Now that I was finished reading there, I just can't contain the need for food.

And I want to eat a lot, okay?

Last night I was craving for huge burgers and chocolate cakes.

I'm still craving for them now.

And I wonder why I keep pressing the Enter key after every sentence.

It reminds me of Brielle Shane Flores' text format.

Okay. So I suddenly wanted to buy clothes.

But why in the world should nice clothes for men be more than three-hundred pesos?

I still want the orange Soda Man shirt I kept staring at SM City North Edsa.

And oh boy, the girl beside me's eating.

Oh well.

It's just banana-cue.

And it made me wonder if there's banana-cue in the United States.

I formally declare that I am hungry.

I feel the hunger.

It lingers on my tummy, like a huge snake feeding on my insides.

What.

Now I suddenly want to earn.

First thing, I do not have a bank account.

Yeah, loser.

So with that I can't even write an essay for that research company I had passed an exam into.

And I know I can't be in there again because it had been more than six weeks.

What about six years of ignoring opportunities just because I'm lazy?

Okay.

So I might do a grand reformation of the self quite soon.

Stay tuned for that. :D

I wish.

i wish we could stay like this forever, in this illusion, in this make-believe world of you and me, because we were there, finishing the words on the last page of our story.

Rip my heart out.

Hello. I felt like I haven't blogged for ages. For the whole week, I was pseudo-enjoying wireless internet connection in malls through my phone. And due to large-byte browsing, I was unable to update my Plurk timeline. In consequence, my Plurk karma dropped from 78 something to a whopping 70.64.

Now I better start with June.

01June.

I was decaying inside my aunt's house. It was a sleep-sit-eat all day phenomenon. I suppose it was raining that day (just because it had been raining for a lot of days) and I had no choice but to stay at home (and I don't have fare money anyway) and die all along. Oh, yeah. I was oh so excited for 02June too.

02June.

D-Day. Mom and I hiked to UP Diliman to check out the dorm (and for me to check in later that day). The Office of Student Housing took too long to post the dormitory results and the respective dorm assignments for us. After hours of waiting, I found myself in Molave Residence Hall room B120. This time, my room's beside the shower [side of the comfort] room. Okay. So my room's large enough for four people. And it's not amazing at all. If there's one good word to describe it, that'd be roomy. But then, it's not that well-maintained. Full stop.

Surprisingly, my roommate (Leo Rosas) is a schoolmate of mine. So it was nice for us, since we have something in common! As you can see, I'm hopeful. Haha.

Okay. Okay. I won't tell what happened just because it's long enough. :D

03June.

First day of the traumatic enrolment. To cut the story short, all I did was to get my registration materials (Forms 5A and 5). I attempted to venture in the line for Econ 100.1/.2 but by 3 in the afternoon Janine and I gave up. (Apparently, we had our Teacher's Prerog Form being signed but it was to be taken by 3 in the afternoon. I was lining up for dorm payment then and it was raining og so hard so I dumped the idea - and maybe the idea of shifting too. Hooray, Political Science majors.) Since I'm not done with the registration yet, I stayed in the dorm almost penniless and clotheless. Thank God that I had a mother who went to the rescue.

04June.

I finished my enrolment process (without changing my POLSC 14 class and lining up for PE) with my clothes wet. Yeah. I was under my umbrella when I got wet. (And there's no typhoon. Just that damn buhawi that I haven't noticed.) So by the afternoon I went back to my aunt's house in Pasig to decay again and to spent my days (and birthday) without spending any money. Then everything changed.

05June.

My [happy] (and Thea's and MJ's and Ravi's) 17th birthday. I pseudo-celebrated it in the afternoon at Shakey's. It was definitely not the best birthday ever. Besides, I never had a good birthday. But most likely, it was the worst. At early morning, I had a big problem with a friend. Then I was flooded with birthday greetings by a lot of friends and acquaintances. Then I had another problem with another friend. Then mom and I had a quarrel (inside the mall and we were outting up quite a dramatic show there). Until night, things seemed to go worse. I hated it.

06June.

Saint Marcellin Champagnat's feast day. Now. I don't want to type anymore. XD

P.S.

I wish we could be fine, just like before - not the way you want it right now.