I wish this would happen to me.

Pieces of me slowly tremble,

As I walk along the noisy hall

Filled with rows of persons

Running fast, opposite my way.

I can feel myself separating,

One by one,

As her sweet lips I recall

And as she laid it on me.

My fingers fell, then my ears,

Followed by my chest and my eyes,

And my knees throwed themselves

And I fell to the ground, I finally fell in love.

Life's a bore.

And for some reason, my life is just so odd since Wednesday. (And I hope that person is not reading this. No, that person won't. I hope.)

I know it's wrong, and I just can't get over it. Okay. It was just that I subscribed to the Unlitxt promo and I have no one else to text but that person. That wouldn't be wrong. It's just so damn odd that I could easily say what I feel and what I want and everything's just so real. I mean, that barrier's missing. Nothing is holding me back. What's worse, whenever I get idle, I want that person to send me a message. What the.

Okay. This just feels so wrong. Just so wrong.

Earlier I have posted about Sean's message and what's going to happen that next day, which was last Friday.

I just don't want to teach kids anymore. She was a five-year-old (and he told me she was six!) but it didn't make things better. I hated kids ever since I stepped into Pasig and met my indirect cousins. And that Friday night, they all expected me to change the world. I'm not perfect. I can't teach a five-year-old Korean girl named Da Min to learn how to read and write in English, especially that she always admits she doesn't want to learn.

"I don't want to write my name. It's tiring!" she said. I could have had punched her, but I just said, "Why? You're going to write your name forever!"

Okay. Maybe not forever at all. But hell. What would she do then? She now lives in a county where everyone is expected to be efficient in articulating a foreign language (which is English) and all that English stuff. We were supposed to be best in English. Well, that sounds just like a five-star kindergarten award.

It's just so saddening that I met that girl. She doesn't want to learn. When in the world had there been a moment that I don't want to learn? (Well, maybe a bit of hardcore math and science I wanted to forget at all, but it's not that.) It's so sad that kids nowadays (but even before) just don't want to study at all. Fine. Then don't. Just look at where we'll pick you up. Yeah, sure. Maybe she could turn up into (what was the name of Apple's owner again?) Apple's owner's story, but that would be less likely. Not everyone is destined to be Bill Gates, Henry Sy, or Fernando Zobel de Ayala. But you could always try you chance on being another Angel Locsin or Marian Rivera or, say, Pokwang on television.

What I'm saying is, why can't she just live her life and look forward and dream. She's currently chasing herself in circles, like a snake chasing it's tail which gave birth to the supposed discovery of the benzene ring.

Maybe it's just the heat of the summer sun, but I am totally loveless. Yeah, I know it's somewhat normal when it's me but I don't like the thought of staying single (and a virgin. Haha! I told Elmer about that yesterday and it was blown away.) and without someone to be with.

What I'm saying is that I want a girl friend and a best friend, as soon as I can. Well, I just want to live my life the way I want it to be. And I want it with a girl and a companion. Okay?

Fudge. This is so getting into me.

The moment that you slip into my brain.

Whoa. Sean (the Korean who interviewed us for Home Tutors) texted me yesterday whether I wanted to teach near Kalayaan Avenue (Queson City, as he typed it). Of course I replied a yes but I got no reply.

He then texted me again this noon for real. I'm going to teach a 6-year-old Korean girl tomorrow (if that is it) at UP Teachers' Village by night. Wow. I am so so excited. Yeah.

And I feel so carefree nowadays. (And I know it's bad.)

I wasn't reading seriously my required readings. We were required to read Homer's The Odyssey and Kalidasa's Shakuntala. By this weekend I'm aiming to read Dante Alighieri's Inferno from cover to cover.

I kept watching Love Hina these days. (That's why I was procrastinating.)

I was also somewhat addicted to the game Mystery Case Files: Madam Fate.

Then I kept on surfing the net. (Of course, I only have to lie down on my bed to be connected to the internet. Nice spot, eh?)

Then starting tomorrow I'm expected to be as responsible as a tutor. Whoa. I wish I could handle this easily.

Not Another Daydream.

"Don't you always want to go back in time?"

"Who are you?"

"I am you."

Okay. So I do not know who I am. Yet someone who look exactly like me comes up in front of me to show me who I really am. How great. By the way, this is supposed to be an essay for my Social Science 1 class. But since I haven't finished and passed it yet, I chose to end it as this. :D

I just felt like it is February.

I have a new [for-all-accounts] photograph. Actually, I cropped it. I used my new N79 to capture it, and to say, it's quite good in some instances. As you can see, camera in cellular phones aren't as good as real cameras per se (maybe you could put Samsung's 8 megapixel camera phone aside here) so it's kind of good timing and good chance having a good photograph.

It's the first week of our summer class. I'm taking up Philippine Folk Dance, Social Science 1 (Foundations of Behavioral Sciences), and English 12 (World Literatures) this summer, for a body-wrecking Monday to Friday (but at least it's not until Saturday, unlike my friend Yvyz in Ateneo De Davao University has). It's kind of a change since I'm starting off my day as early as 5 in the morning, to prepare for my 7 AM PE class in the Gymnasium. I have a barely 40-minute break to unsoak myself in sweat and go to the airconditioned room in Palma Hall Annex for my enjoyable Social Science 1 class under Ms. Chei Billedo. But then, since it's the Dyosa in OSA (Office of Student Affairs, College of Social Sciences and Philosophy), it's all worth the dangerous drying up of sweat. By eleven in the morning, I go back to the dorm for my four-hour lunch break. By 3 PM I go to Palma Hall for my World Literatures class. It's quite fine, but it's just that I'm a bit lazy to read those thick pages of required readings (and I've got a big bulk of readings too for my Social Science 1) so I'm a bit non-participative in class.

But still, it's fine with me. I chose to have this, so I don't have to actually complain about it at all.

So here's a week recap:

12, Sunday.

It was Easter Sunday. The next day, you'll know it's Easter Monday. Haha.

Mom and I sure attended the mass, ate lunch at Pizza Hut, and we bought groceries just before I go check in the dormitory the next day.

13, Monday.

I wasn't getting ready yet for paying my registration fees and checking in the dormitory, but all of a sudden I was in a rush. Before being able to check in to the dormitory, one must pay first his or her enrolment obligations, and that meant an almost 360-degree long queue of people surrounding the whole UP shopping center. Good thing was that my very good friend, Gleffany, who let me in her side of the queue (which was very near to the finish line of cashiers, thank her) since she would have to go for her pack of things and so I'll be the one who'll pay for her. There, I got out of the long queue of people very very easily. By noon, mom and I were in a dilemma where to eat lunch. In the afternoon, I joined a similar queue of people inside the dormitory to check in to the dormitory. It was a slow process, having your form 5 checked and have a dormitory payment bill, pay the amount, and go back to the queue and choose your room. I chose B103, four rooms away from my old room, B107. First and foremost, my room was already occupied, I don't like to be directly in front of the comfort/shower room anymore, and B103 is nearer to the internet router, which clearly means that I just have to lie on my bed to surf the internet. And then, I got a new roommate. :D

14, Tuesday.

It was the first day of summer classes. I woke up by 5 in the morning, figuring out that it wasn't even my clock (by which I thought I have turned it's alarm on the night before) that was making the sound. 7 AM was my Philippine Folk Dance class, though Ma'am Perena appeared late. By 9 I was at PHAN for my Social Science 1 class, with the hilarious Ms. Chei Billedo. It's just great. By 3 PM I was at Palma Hall for my English 12 under Sir Queano.

Should I even do a week recap? I just got bored. :D :D

going round and round.

It's Holy Thursday and I've only got a few more days to be back and experience summer like never before: my first summer classes in college.

Why of course, I had summer classes back in High School, just the gap between third year and fourth year, Trigonometry and Statistics, to supplement our Junior Thesis in High School, and Physics, as what they keep saying.

This Tuesday I will be waking up way too early than what has been, to attend my 7 AM PE class: Philippine Folk Dance. Whoa. Imagine how near or far that's gonna be: from Kalayaan Residence Hall to a far away CHK Gym. By 9 AM I'll be off to Palma Hall Annex to enjoy a funny Soc Sci 1 class under Ms. Billedo. At least. Then I'll idle around within my long lunch break from eleven to three. Imagine that. By 3 PM I'll be at Palma Hall for Eng 12, that World Literatures subject I had insisted to enlist for.

I don't know yet but I certainly feel that I would have difficulties this summer. It's a Monday to Friday, with a very early class and a very long lunch break. What am I gonna do with my life?

Fudge. It sounds horrible, and at the same time exciting.

And I've got three more days. I'm doing nothing for Holy Week - not even abstinence. This time I'm going to mimic what the non-Christians do during Holy Week. Yes. Whatever that is. And too bad no malls for me until tomorrow. I can't wait for Saturday to go strolling.

And of course, I've got a checklist of what I want for summer:

1. new slippers. (I don't opt for Havaianas just because they're too costly for something you'll step on.)

2. new shoes. (Running shoes, actually. I can't wait to jog at the Academic Oval again.)

3. new backpack. (The red Illustrazio backpack I borrowed from my sister is destroying my shirts. I need a new one.)

4. cellphone casing. (I can't take it if my N79 follows the same fate with my overly scratched LG KU250.)

5. my digital camera repaired. (It was months ago since it got broken. Of course I miss it.)

Okay. So it's Good Friday tomorrow. Better be good. :D

Twist it and don't turn it back.

I don't feel like living - or let's say something close to that - today. I just feel so lazy and all that.

I woke up by 2 in the afternoon and ate a not-so-satisfying brunch by 3 in the afternoon. By 4 in the afternoon I attended the Palm Sunday Mass, and I almost blacked out.

Maybe it was my body clock's fault. I used to sleep by ten or eleven in the night. In college I normally sleep by midnight. For the last few weeks, I slept by one or two or three or even four in the morning. How bad was that, eh?

Or maybe I was in a bad diet, skipping breakfast and all that.

Or maybe I was just too sinful for the past few weeks. Haha.

Well, no.

Do you deserve my love?

This holy week, it is now time to be emo. Hahaha!

No. No way.

Okay. Okay. Here's the news.

Last Wednesday was no April Fool's Day for me. I was scolded by my father for reportedly consuming up my 3000 peso allowance that was given just last last week. Yes, I admit I've been spending too much (on Dairy Queen Blizzards) and I swear I will really put more money in my teddy bear coin bank everyday! Promise!

Last Thursday, we - the First Floor Boys of Kalayaan Residence Hall (actually just a few of us) - went to Antipolo to have an overnight stay/swimming. Of course, I wouldn't be there if I have told my parents about it. XD It was a very nice place, perhaps somewhere in upland Sumulong or so. You can actually see the whole Metro Manila by night, with the beautiful skyline. It's daylight view wasn't that adorable though. Nevertheless, I had a good swim, or should I say wetting? Haha. [I just don't know how to swim. And that's bad for lurking in the pool for long.]

Yesterday, Saturday, my roommate finally left. The night before Jervis and I were actually ranting about or somewhat dysfunctional roommates (of course, the friendship and all are not in them, for some sad reason) and now I'll just sleep alone (though he goes back to the room at around 3 in the morning for his sleep) and I don't think if I'd be happy with that.

Today, [it is still two in the morning here.] I'll be having very light meals (hello there, noodles) so that I can show my Mom some money when she arrives this Monday.

This Monday, my mother will arrive here so that I could have a companion in Pasig this Holy Week for me. That's great news for me. She's gonna bring my ever-wanted N79 that they had bought in Davao City (and refused to mail here). Of course, she's gonna be my financer for the summer (a big yey for me!) and, yes, I will finally have someone to wash my clothes while I'm staying in that Pasig village. :D

Hold your - no, my - breath.

I just paused from reading an e-book of Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet in Heaven. For some odd reason, I just feel so sleepy after reading the softbound version of his For One More Day, and then I get an eyestrain with this e-book. I don't know. It's just hard to keep myself busy when there's nothing to be busy at all. Or it's just that it's hard to do something when another something - something else, yes - bothers me.

It's almost a year. It's almost a year since I left the city of General Santos to prepare for my college life here in Quezon City. Before that nostalgic airplane ride to Ninoy Aquino International Airport Centennial Terminal 2 in Pasay City, I wasn't thinking greatly of studying in the University of the Philippines Diliman. I was actually thinking that hooray, I'm finally free and I'm in Metro Manila!

And summer has never been the same as before. My mom and I stayed at her cousin's house in Pasig City. I kind of hated that experience, sleeping on that foam placed on the floor, listening to the loud cries of children, seeing kids being scolded by their moms, occasional arguments with my mother, semi-real financial crisis, and being far away from the rest of my little family, missing my father and older sister.

I can't seem to keep myself moving whenever I feel that everything is just not right and everything just feels not comfortable. As a truly ambitious kid, of course I had high hopes. But it turns out that the longer the stay you are in your time of hoping, the more the hopes had been shattered by disappointing truths. Yes, it's not just another companion thing.

Some people are always right. You better expect what not to expect. There are always things you want to happen but one twist of fate or two, or perhaps another mistake of yours, life becomes a bit more disappointing. Yes. It is disappointing.