Getting it all back.

Finally, it's March. The past few months were abusively spent on almost sleepless weeks of horrible tasks and studying. I lost time for myself. Rather, it was a struggle for survival, not necessarily for me, but for accomplishing responsibilities and maintaining a desirable academic grade. I kinda lost time for my own self, my own interests, and the things that really pleases me. I was busy facing the laptop screen creating publicity materials and identification cards, kept myself in my room (which is better as I found out) rewriting notes and highlighting my Economics book, drowning myself in a rush of thoughts and battle of concepts, attending org activities, occasionally cutting classes, little visits to the library, walking here and there, shouting at friends, getting irritated by everyone's attitudes, panicking from time to time, rushing every work to be done, stealing few hours for sleep (and in class too), and eating and spending too much. Even eating and sleeping aren't leisure stuff anymore. They became tasks to be done for survival. Everything I did then was all for survival. Leisure seemed to be too expensive: I cannot afford it, along with the lineup of tasks that await me.

There floated in front of me a high opportunity cost of substituting work for leisure. Risks await me for every action that I do. It's like taking a journey on an upward-sloping (supply curve?) pavement filled with vines that would easily trap me and make me immobile. Assessing myself, I seem to be vulnerable to all pressures, yet I seem to be strong enough to outlive them.

Damn. A lot of challenges have already passed and a lot more are coming in. But I want to get a grip of my life first. I should steer, not row!